May 2013
cumillionaire:
If my jokes offend you:
I’m sorry
It won’t happen again
1 & 2 are lies
You’re a pussy
do you ever just wanna kiss your boyfriend but realize you don’t have one
jpierrepontcriss:
my mom was pulling into a parking space today and she asked “am i relatively straight?” and i said “i think that’s something you need to decide for yourself” and she told me to walk home
alltimeboners:
things that are enjoyable:
showers
things that are not enjoyable:
getting in the shower
getting out of the shower
swiftingthrough:
cloudy with a chance of why the fuck am i outside
meladoodle:
*prosecuting lawyer voice* i have only one question for the defendant… ‘guiltypersonsayswhat?’ “what?” haha owned you’re going to jail
turklet:
i actually died when i was 3 and that inspired me to audition for the voice
me: hey i was wondering if you wanna go out sometime
crush: no
me: wtF omG soRRY that was my CAT running across the keyboarD OMG!!!
17yr:
woah calm down im just trying to date your dad
the-adequate-gatsby:
I don’t mean to be annoying I just admire you a lot please like me
lolistriders:
*walks onto a crime scene*
swiggity swag who’s in the bag
pizza:
when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that i can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s better and involves me
heytherebiebs:
oMFG MY TEARS I CANT DEAL
CAN U HEAR ME SCREAMING
bigrnac:
lets play “how rude can i be until you realize i dont like you”
u-okay-no-srsly:
cocacolanightowl:
calzonarizzles:
I HAVE TO DO A PROJECT ON AUSTRIA AND I JUST DID THE WHOLE THING ON AUSTRALIA
It looks like your grade is going …… down under
ARE YOU KIDDING ME
”if u like someone just tell them!!” yeah sure goodbye
chocolate-coconuts:
“you can’t hate them they’re family”
April 2013
prospited:
WHAT IS A PILOTS FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOUR
PLAIN
...
kawrying:
so its 2:17 am and my window is open and i burped really loudly and i heard someone yell “what the fuck”
wartortles:
if u listen closely u can hear no one giving a shit about u
